Labubus, Princess Nails and a Vulnerable Confession

I'm getting WITCHY (No, that's not the confession)

Last month I was attacked by a bird three times — and I fell for a very good scam that left me both embarrassed and sad. I’m fine. More on that soon. But, I kind of felt like May was giving some bad juju.

So cheers to June, and *the sun is shining and Labubus are out in full swing. (Wait, backup. Did she just say Labubus?)

Sure did! You know, the rando elfish bag charm to the stars!

Here are two quotes from an entire Washington Post piece dedicated to the Labubu nonsense:

“Labubu” is the name of a character from The Monsters, a children’s book series. She’s an elf who usually wears fuzzy onesies in various colors.

Celebrities such as Rihanna, Dua Lipa and Blackpink’s Lisa have been spotted with Labubu key chains trailing from their purses and belt loops. NBA basketball player Dillon “the Villain” Brooks has been photographed more than once carrying a bag with a white Labubu attached.

Labubus feel like a need to know, and we now have covered it. We can move forward with our heads held high. That said, if you feel you need to know more labubu, you do you-you.

Me asking my 13-year-old niece

So coming off the heels of May where my google history included things like: 1) “Why do birds attack people?” and 2) “Why couldn’t that dream job I thought I was being recruited for have been real - and not a dumb scam by scamming dickholes?”

As we could have guessed the answer to number one is that birds dive-bomb and actually hit people (me) when they are protecting their nest or young babies. And, I’m still working through the search results for #2.

This month, I’m ready to hunker down and get to work. What does get to work mean? The conclusion I have come to is: I’m ready to get super witchy, y’all. Trust and believe, I’m equal parts cringe and excited. P.S., did you know Etsy witches were a thing?! I did not. And this article about an Etsy witch straight up outing a girl who asked for a love spell has made me think it’s a perfect side-hustle for me.

But first, I need to get something off my chest. Here comes a very vulnerable confession. Okay, here goes: I’m knee-deep in manifestingtok. Yes, I can smell the stench of my midlife crisis too.

This is not totally off-brand, however. You know I love my Oprah and my gratitude lists. And I’ve even spent gobs of years on a gratitude email listserv with a group of fantastic people that my friend Erin gathered, sharing all of our joys and wins (and some losses too).

But, I realized as part of my midlife crisis, it’s time for me to start setting some real goals.

What do I want? (Ugh)

Now the only positive thing I will say about getting SCAM emails about a dream job from a recruiter was that …