2025 Fashion Predictions from Robot Santa

You can pry my high-waist jeans off my cold dead body! Wait, gross.

I’m currently on a plane flying from my exotic native homeland of Detroit back to Los Angeles. Was our flight delayed because a passenger had a medical emergency? Yes. (prayers up!) Have I squeezed myself and my daughter into the tiny plane bathroom because she refused to go alone? Yes. Am I watching the new Beetlejuice and having a bloody Mary? Yes.

I just read that ChatGPT is giving all of us the gift of talking to Santa this December, so I decided to ask a few questions - including Robot Santa’s fashion predictions for 2025. That’s coming up.

But I want to take a moment to honor Jennifer Lopez and this headline that made me sit up in my seat a little taller. “Jennifer Lopez’s commitment to dangerously low-rise jeans knows no bounds.”

Obviously, I’m in awe of her and her banging body. Feels like the most obvious case of making a deal with the devil I’ve ever seen IRL. But her dedication, hard work, good genes and dedication to letting us know is incredible.

I wish I could count the number of people that caught a glimpse of my bum crack through the aughts in low-risers just like the ones JLo is sporting below. Can anyone bend over in those without causing a scene?

I know there were collective feelings about saying goodbye to skinny jeans, but for me, the far bigger fear would be trying to squish my bum-bum behind a scant swath of fabric and begging it not to bulge. Again.

Like the comfort of a weighted blanket, I love how a high-waist holds me and my belly tight in a warm hug. Saying goodbye to that daily comfort would likely require help from a somatic practitioner that could use witchery to help me release my sadness directly from the source - my middle.

Actual picture of my high-waist jeans going over my belly.

Are you embracing a low rise in 2025? If you are, I need you to know, I find your courage inspiring.

Now, back to Robot Santa! Chatgpt has a new feature that will respond to your questions with a Santa voice, but since I’m on an airplane and messed up the enable microphone, camera, and give the robot your soul settings, I will now have to type to ask chatgpt to “roleplay” as Santa, which should be something that only happens on Only Fans. But, here we go!